It’s not a farfetched idea to find love with a woman behind prison bars. Make sure that you have realistic expectations about if and when you will ever meet. If a woman is doing a twenty year stretch for a serious crime, it’s probably best to confine your correspondence to a strictly penpal relationship. If you’re looking for more than just a penpal with a woman behind bars, read on to find out the dos and don’ts of how to stay safe while dating a female prisoner.
Know who you are dealing with
Websites for finding and dating women in jail will be covered at the end of this article. Once you find someone that entices you, it’s important to know more about why they are inside the penitentiary. The best way is to simply “Google” their name. Although you can look up their name or prisoner # at their state’s Department of Corrections (DOC) site, you are more interested in local papers with details of their crimes. Some women look seductively evil in their arraignment photos:
But the only way to know if a female prisoner is worth the risk is to do some research. A simple drug possession charge where they are incarcerated for 1-2 years probably won’t get written up on a local news site, but a history of petty crimes on their DOC prisoner information page means that she probably won’t be with you long before ending up back in prison.
Look at how long they are in for, and what their crime was. Note when the inmates earliest release date is: the longer they are in for, the worse the crime. There can be exceptions, such as drug offenders. But make sure you’re not dealing with a female inmate who has killed her husband/boyfriend or else you could be next! If it doesn’t feel right, don’t make contact.
Always check the states prison websites for the female inmate
One piece of advice I can give is if possible, before you write, try to look up your potential pen-pal on her state’s Department of Corrections website. You shouldn’t write to inmates if you can’t verify what they put in their ad on a female inmate penpal website.
Be Careful with California and Texas Inmates
California and Texas are two states where inmates seem to run the most scams, usually by posting false ads. Those two states may also have more women asking in their ads for money.
Many scammers attempt to lie about their age, race and/or appearance by using someone else’s photo. They can also lie about their charges or their present circumstances.
Remember to check the state’s DOC website to get truthful information on the inmate.
In Texas, You can verify the accuracy of an inmate’s race, sex, age, location, projected release date and reason(s) for incarceration by visiting the Texas Department of Criminal Justice web site and look up the offender by name or TDCJ Number: http://offender.tdcj.state.tx.us/POSdb2/index.jsp.
In California, the site provides very little info (although age is one of them) and is available at http://inmatelocator.cdcr.ca.gov/default.aspx.
What to look for, and what to avoid, when writing a female inmate
Some female inmates look at penpals as a way of getting easy money, and if you don’t send money, they will cut the correspondence short. You’ll know right away the ones that are playing this game: they may come across as overly sexual in their first letter, or press you about how wealthy you are right from the get go.
If you only want a penpal, then you need to stay away from those looking for a relationship. Prison can be a lonely place:
Look for prison ladies who say they are lonely and are eagerly looking for friends to correspond with. If you are looking for a relationship, be honest with yourself and the situation. Long distance relationships are tough, and many times you can only visit the person a couple times a year, so they aren’t going to be physically available. Also, women inmates who are only looking for penpals are just biding their time until they get out, when they will go back to their boyfriend or husband. Many serving long sentences will be old and lose their looks over time.
Sugar daddies, chumps and prison ladies looking to play you
Pretty young ladies in prison can get men to send them money over and over again. Some pull in thousands a month running this scam, not surprising as they are criminals. You need to watch out for female inmates who are into playing games. Some may try to use you either to send them money to pay off non-existent fines and fees. Some may send you form letters that might even be accidentally addressed to someone else. There’s more than one female inmate in on the penpal game: they sometimes team up, with a few girls being the show for the personal ad while others manufacture the letters to string the men along. Always remember that these women are in prison for a reason. Some of them learn their lesson, but many more don’t.
Note that states like Nevada, Kentucky and Florida also have been spotlighted over the years for the many inmate ads where the ladies were solely looking for ‘sugar daddies’.
Tip: Crossreference their name on sites like “sugardaddy.com” (and other variations of that name) so you can see if that’s the kind of man that they are after. You can also run their image through TinEye.com to see where else the photo appears on the Internet.
Men are of course attracted to female prisoners that look young and sexy:
But it’s probably best to avoid the youngest and prettiest inmates who likely have many men writing them. If an ad features sexy pictures or sexy talk, she’s likely in it for the money. And of course watch out for fake pictures. Pictures of woman in their prison uniforms are more authentic, but many prisoners have access to their Facebook profiles and pull their pics from there. It’s easy to tell it’s a prison picture if they’re wearing an orange jumpsuit or prison stripes:
Precautions to take with Female Prison Inmates
- Be aware that many of these women have STDs like HIV or a blood borne disease like Hep C.
- Beware of ‘short timers’ who are only in prison for a short stint and are getting out soon. They’re not so much worried about writing as they are about their release. Some short-timers will want to move in with you if they don’t have a place to stay. This makes it easier for them to obtain parole.
- If you worry about your physical address getting out, you can use a P.O. box instead. You can also use an assumed name when writing her.
- Don’t include nude pictures, polaroids, stamps or other small gifts in your letters. Remember that the prison censors all incoming and outgoing mail. This is not only for contraband but also to make sure that the inmates are being honest with their penpals on information such as the reason for their incarceration and to make sure that they are not engaging in fraud to try and solicit money.
- Do not use a sticker with your return address when addressing your letter, or else the mail will be rejected. Remember to write your return address on the envelope, or in the letter itself.
- Keep any and all letters so you can compare hand writing styles, as there are sometimes groups of ladies working a con. Be very careful about sending money. A standard rule is to never send more then $20 and that’s usually reserved only for birthdays and Christmas. Only do that with ladies you have been writing a long time. Most women really don’t need more than $20 a month.
Using Jpay.com to send a female inmate money
As long as you’re sure she’s not scamming you, it’s fine to send a female inmate some cash using the jpay.com system. If you’re using it as a way of making contact with female prisoners to show that you are serious, there are some things to include to allow her to make a response to you:
- When you send an email through the JPay system, all that the inmate receives is the text of the email. You must include within that text your name and mailing address. Otherwise she will have no way to respond to you and your email.
- Always include your name and physical mailing address when sending money through the JPay system. If she has access to email, be sure to also include your email address within the text of the message.
Sites to Find Female Inmate Penpals
Some correctional facilities only allow postcards, but many accept letters. Some will allow you to send stamps to the inmate, while others will not. Check the DOC website in the state where your inmate resides to find the rules for their particular state. For example, the rules for writing inmates in Florida can be found out http://www.dc.state.fl.us/oth/inmates/writing.html.
Please be responsible when writing female inmates
Men have lots of fantasies about prison women: some are attracted to dominant “alpha” women who don’t pay heed to society’s rules, while others are attracted to feisty women who have been made obedient:
Whatever your attractions, remember that you are dealing with a human being on the other end of the letter. She’s likely locked up for a long time and may be socially isolated in prison and have no friends or family visiting her.
Being penpals with a prison inmate can be emotionally lots of work and isn’t for everyone. It can feel like taking care of and nurturing a child. Remember that you might be the only person that your female inmate penpal has in the entire world. That’s a lot of responsibility, so don’t take it lightly.